5 Things That Triggered My Healing Journey after becoming a mum
I didn’t realise how much I needed to heal… until I became a mum.
There are parts of my healing journey that I never used to talk about.
Not because they weren’t important… but because I didn’t even realise they were there.
Motherhood has a way of bringing everything to the surface. Things you thought you’d moved on from, things you buried, things you learned to live with… suddenly they’re right in front of you.
These are 5 things I’m healing from—quietly, honestly, and in my own time.
Childhood Wounds
When I turned 18, I thought I had finally found freedom.
I was out of foster care, living in my own two-bedroom flat in East Sussex, and shortly after, I moved to London. To me, that wasn’t just independence it wass survival. I had always felt like I had to raise myself. I didn’t have a dependable mum or dad to rely on, so I became everything I needed.
It was always just me.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was lying there in the hospital during the scan, and I saw my baby for the first time. I just broke down. It was an explosion of emotions of fear, responsibility, and, if I’m being honest, shame too, because I wasn’t with the baby’s father.
From that moment, I kept everything in.
I didn’t tell friends. Only a few family members knew. I handled it the only way I knew how, alone. That was a wound I didn’t even realise I had. I carried everything on my shoulders because I didn’t want to burden anyone else.
Throughout my pregnancy, I meditated and tried to stay calm because my baby was my focus. But what I didn’t realise was that I was bottling everything up, my fears, my worries, my anxiety about becoming a mum.
I didn’t let anyone help me, even when help was offered. I didn’t know how to accept it without feeling guilty.
By the time I was 9 months pregnant and became homeless, that’s when I was forced to ask for help, and even then, it made me feel uncomfortable to do it.
Looking back now, I wish I had opened up sooner. I wish I had allowed myself to be supported. I truly believe it could have changed so much, not just for me, but for my daughter’s early years too.
I could have been more present. More relaxed. Less worried.
But that’s part of my healing now, learning that I don’t have to do everything alone.
People-Pleasing
For a long time, I was a people pleaser.
Saying yes when I wanted to say no.
Making others happy, even if it didn’t feel right for me.
Putting other people’s feelings before my own.
I didn’t even question it; it just felt normal.
But the truth is, living like that slowly drains you. You lose yourself trying to be everything for everyone else.
When you’re vulnerable, your mind can be easily influenced. You can be shaped into someone you’re not, just to fit into spaces that were never meant for you.
It wasn’t until I had real space away from everything that I started to reflect. I could finally see situations where I wasn’t honouring myself, where I was ignoring my own needs.
Learning to say no has been one of the hardest but most important parts of my healing.
Now I:
- Say no without over-explaining
- Speak up when something doesn’t feel right
- Leave at the first red flag
- Remove myself from people or environments that don’t align
- And I’m no longer afraid to distance myself from toxic relationships and even family
It hasn’t been easy. But it’s been necessary.
Feeling Overstimulated as a Mum
Motherhood is beautiful… but it can also be overwhelming.
There’s so much to think about all the time, like bills, routines, food shopping, appointments, your child’s needs, your own goals, your health… it never really stops.
And if you’re not careful, it can all build up and feel like too much.
I’ve realised that when I don’t stay on top of things or take care of myself, that’s when I feel the most overstimulated.
What’s helped me is creating small systems that make life feel calmer and more manageable.
Waking up early has been a game changer for me. I wake up at 5am now, and even though it was hard at first, my body naturally does it. My daughter wakes up around 7:45am, and that time in the morning is mine.
I can reset. Think. Breathe.
Some things that help me stay grounded:
- Meal planning so I’m not stressed about what to cook
- Having quiet time in the morning, even if it’s just a cup of tea
- Journaling to clear my mind
- Meditating to calm my nervous system
- Keeping my environment organised
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about creating peace where you can.
Losing My Identity
Becoming a mum can make you lose yourself without even realising.
Your child becomes your whole world. Their needs come first, always. And slowly, you forget who you were before.
When my daughter started nursery, I remember sitting there thinking… who am I?
I didn’t know what to do with my time. I didn’t even remember what I used to enjoy. It felt like I had lost a part of myself.
But instead of trying to go back to who I was, I decided to create who I wanted to be.
I started writing things down. The kind of woman I wanted to become. How I wanted to feel. How I wanted to live.
Because the truth is, you do change after having a child. And that’s not a bad thing.
You’re evolving.
You just have to reconnect with yourself again, in this new version of you.
Body Confidence After Having a Child
Your body changes after having a baby—and that can be hard to accept.
Stretch marks. Loose skin. Hair changes. Your body doesn’t feel the same.
But I’ve started to look at it differently.
My body created life.
It carried my child. It brought her into this world. And now she gets to experience life because of what my body did.
That alone is powerful.
We admire the world for everything it’s been through, for how it’s changed and still remains beautiful. And I think we deserve to see ourselves in that same way.
Learning to love your body again is a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight.
But it starts with being kinder to yourself. Slower with your thoughts. Softer with your reflection.
Your body isn’t something to criticise, it’s something to appreciate.
Healing isn’t loud. It’s not always visible.
Sometimes it’s quiet decisions, small changes, and moments of awareness that no one else sees.
If you’re healing from any of these things too… you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to rush it.
You’re allowed to take your time.
